Emancipation
by Ruby Rosetta Red
Summary: One shot, post Frame ep. Declan Gage told Bobby he was free. As the screen darkens and the titles go up, this is my interpretation of what happens, what is going through Bobby's mind.


**A/N: Post 'Frame'. My interpretation of what happens after Declan's proclamation that Bobby was 'free'. The characters of Robert Goren, Alex Eames, Ross and Declan Gage are all the property of Dick Wolf and associated people/companies. The idea is mine, so are any and all errors. Please read and rate. **

* * *

**Emancipation.**

_What are you talking about? __I'm not free._ _How could you say that and actually believe it?_

_My brother is dead,_ _Nicole Wallace is dead_…_how does that set me free?_

_No matter what he said __or what he did, Frank was my brother, he was a blood connection. How could his life be considered so worthless that his death would **free** me?_

_Who the hell are you to make that decision for me? Who do you think you are?_

Those words are raging in my head but I don't speak. I just can't. Instead I just sit and stare at him, feeling sick to my stomach. I remember to breathe and inhale sharply. I swallow against the nausea that is now threatening. My throat closes up and a brief flutter of panic makes me sit back in my seat.

_Breathe Goren, just remember to breathe._

So I do…in and out, in and out, slow deep breaths.

Yet I still can't tear my eyes from his. I'm sure that he can see the horror in them. I'm sure he can but there's a benign expression on his face. He is utterly calm, utterly at peace with what he has just confessed to and the reason why.

The reason why….he considered Frank to be dead weight. He considered Nicole Wallace to be nothing more but an albatross around my neck.

He wanted to engage me again, create a puzzle for me to solve, to get me back into the game.

A game where my brother and my nemesis are the pawns.

I feel the horror again.

Looking at the photographs and remembering, I had decided to call Frank. Our last meeting had been on the emotional side. I had been so furious with him and worried out of my mind that Donnie had disappeared that I had said some things. A lot of what had been said I didn't regret; they needed to be said, he needed to be told that once again he had overstepped the line. He had taken so much and given so little and seeing his face again, blaming _me_ again had tipped me over the edge. I had wanted to kill him that night and put him out of his misery. Had I mentioned that to Declan? I honestly don't remember but those first few weeks during my suspension were soaked in a little more Glenlivet than was healthy so there's a good chance that I had done. Did I plant that little seed into that damaged mind myself?

It doesn't bear thinking about.

I make myself stand up and I sway slightly as if my legs can't support my weight any longer. I grip the back of the chair instead. I don't know what to say to him. I think he expects me to say thank you.

A surreptitious tap on the two-way mirror makes me start. I had been so lost that I'd completely forgotten the presence of those behind it. I look at it and only see my reflection. Then I nod to myself. Still without saying a single word to Declan, I leave.

* * *

Eames is standing outside the door and there is such a deep frown on her face. I recognise her concern.

"Bobby?" It's like I hear her voice from a million miles away. I know that I look at her but I'm still too shocked to actually respond.

"Excuse…me" I blurt out instead and move past her and head for the men's room.

Thank God it's empty. I barely make it to the sink and with a shaking hand I turn on the faucet. Quickly I sluice my face in cold water and grab a handful of paper towels to wipe off the excess. Then quickly I turn and head for a cubicle.

It's over in a moment and my stomach is empty but I'm so weak. I sink to the floor and lean my head against the cubicle wall. I can't move, can't motivate myself to get up off the floor. It feels like I've lost track of time.

When I finally feel brave enough to emerge, she's there waiting for me. She's been there every step of the way throughout this investigation. She would've seen Declan in the interrogation room; she would've heard what he'd said. What must she be thinking now? I watch her walk towards me, still with that frown of concern on her face.

"Jesus Bobby. Come on" she curls her hand around my wrist.

"Where…where are we going?" I ask her.

"Somewhere quiet" she answers. I follow like a meek child.

To the cafeteria of all places and it is quiet at this time of the day.

She sits opposite me and gently pushes the paper cup of coffee in my direction. I don't want it but obediently I pick it up and take a sip. For a little while neither of us speaks.

"What's happening now?" I ask her. She places her own paper cup on the table surface and then looks at me. As uncomfortable as the atmosphere gets between us sometimes, I know I can rely on her to be honest.

"Ross is with Gage now. He's…he's going to see if he'll give up the location of Nicole's body to us" she answered and I feel a faint vestige of sickness climb inside of me as I'm reminded once again of what he's done.

"He'll…he should give that up easily enough" I reply.

"How are you feeling?" she asks me eventually. For a while I don't reply because to be perfectly honest, I don't know how to. I don't know how I feel. It just all feels like too much right now.

"I don't know" I reply honestly. I lift the cup again and take a sip of the coffee I just can't seem to taste. As I lower the cup I see Ross striding towards us, a determined expression on his face. I watch him approach and I feel the tension begin to rise once again. He wouldn't be here unless Gage had given up the location.

* * *

The car pulls up at the entrance to a nameless alley; one of the thousands in the city. Dumpsters line one wall. For a moment I remain where I am. It feels like an aeon has passed before I reach out and open the door and another one passes before I climb out. Ross and Eames wait for me. I stand for a moment; the place is crawling with navy blue uniforms, there's an ambulance nearby with its lights strobing and there are the spectators, the people on the street, all wondering what it is they're witnessing. I know, but my heart pounds all the same.

We walk towards the group of NYPD, there's an ME already present, taking photographs of the contents of one of the dumpsters. I wonder how Declan got her in there; his strength is diminishing but somehow he got her in there. We all pause a few feet away and I watch as Ross goes through the motions. All eyes are on me and I get the sudden urge to examine my feet. I don't need their questions or their speculation right now. My encounters with Nicole Wallace have been well documented in the past. Ross goes to look in the dumpster. I lift my head and watch him. He seems to take his time before turning his head and looking at me.

"Goren" He invites me to take a look and you know, once upon a time I would've been there even before him. Right now I'm feeling reluctant. I feel Eames's hand touch my elbow.

"You don't have to if you don't want to" she reminds me. I look at her. Her expression is still of concern; it's the only genuine one I've seen so far.

"I have to" I murmur back.

"Okay" she answers just as quietly and watches me walk towards the battered dumpster.

Ross moves out of the way as I stand on the stepladder. For a moment or two I deliberately don't look down. I know they're all waiting. I take a deep breath and force myself to do it. I look down.

She's wrapped in a bloody sheet, buried beneath the garbage. Some might take some kind of pleasure from that. A corner of the sheet has been drawn away to reveal her face. I try and focus.

Her skin is waxen pale, her eyes, filmed in white are open and staring. There is an expression of…surprise on her face. She truly hadn't expected to be bested by Declan Gage. Her blonde hair is tousled across her face and I resist the strong urge to push it out of the way. I can see the signs of early decomposition. She is dead, no mistake about it.

I climb down the steps back onto terra firma. I'm numb. This is it, it's finally over. My white whale, my nemesis is dead. I don't feel any kind of relief that she's gone. I only feel sadness and that's confusing. She killed my brother, shouldn't I have felt some kind of release that she was no longer breathing, no longer walking the streets, seducing and terrorising along the way.? I was someone she couldn't seduce or terrorise and she hated me for it.

Now we've both paid the price.

So, do I feel free after all of this?

No I really don't.

**FIN.**


End file.
